My fellow men: Eat. Drink. And, be merry for tomorrow we die.

The Decline of Men, by some fella with the apropos handle of "Guy" Garcia, seems to have a few men in a tizzy -- mostly those living comfortably in Hugo Boss underwear and pressed pants in Manhattan. But before I dive in, it's interesting to note that Garcia is spanish for "mighty with a spear."

So, the author's name is really "guy with a mighty spear."

Ah... Yeah. I'm not making this stuff up.

Anyway, this dude with a mighty spear is throwing up quite an argument about how men are slowly outliving their traditional usefulness. My real question is: when were we ever useful? We have long been a self-indulgent bunch. Aside from a few nifty inventions like dynamite, the lightbulb, Harrier jets, Big Bertha drivers, Scotch and Hooters, we've mostly spent the past 10,000+ years killing animals and each other and then glorifying these exploits in bad poetry.

When you couple Senor Garcia's views with the latest brain research revealing that love is nothing more than a surge in seratonin in several small areas of the brain and can be controlled with medication (the scientist leading this research is a woman, by the way), then it's probably time to just throw in the golf towel. Men are toast. It's only a matter of time before stem cell research definitively shows that it makes little economic sense for us to make it past the first trimester before being harvested for our chromosomes. Somewhere in the world, some brainiac is putting together a gene bank that will allow women in the future to simply shop for the DNA they desire along with a wide variety of implantation methods that does not involve perspiring or post coitus tristis.

Does it strike you that for all of the scientific advances we are uncovering we are regressing as a species? We are learning very quickly how to deconstruct ourselves. It's frightening. But, as a man, I am not going to give up with out a fight. If we could make it a pillow fight with female opponents in bikins, then I think I might stand a chance of at least meeting my maker with a cheesy smile on my face. If the opponents could be female Scandinavian cheerleaders, all the better.

My Y Chromosome brothers, we must consider that if we are going to be marginalized to the point of eventual liquidation, we might as well enjoy ourselves. We better be doing it quickly as the world's gone completely mad. I do think some of our behavior could actually help us out of this recession. Therefore, I believe we can be useful after all.

A recent University of Pennsylvania study of shopping habits claims that women tend to browse around, “gathering” up the best from various sources and enjoying the experience, while men tend to buy, going straight in for the “kill.” What we need is more buying and less browsing to get us out of this rut. Maybe this ancient behavioral difference will keep us around for a while longer than we expect.

I'll drink to that!